Posts Tagged ‘the discerning gent’
The Discerning Gent: Please, No Turntables
There is a time and a place for DJs. A wedding is NOT one of them. I understand the decision to hire one. They’re cheaper, overly abundant (let’s face it, everyone knows someone that is one), and far easier to choose than the alternative; a live band. With a live band, you not only have to find them, you have to audition them as well. Yes, I can fully understand the desire to avoid a process that can be exhausting, time consuming and perhaps even painful. In contrast, the audition for a DJ often only includes asking whether they have the one or two dozen songs you can’t imagine your reception without. I get it. I understand traveling the route with less resistance. But let’s get one thing straight: THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. This is not the time to half-ass ANYTHING. If your budget allows for it, you must, simply MUST, hire a band. And even if your budget doesn’t, you should strongly consider revising it so that it does (perhaps axe a handful of “acquaintances” from the guest list). Let me tell you why.
Music evokes emotion. While it’s easy for a DJ to procure music you want to hear, a live band exudes energy and enables you and your guests to experience music. They intensify already intense emotions and ensure that the music is more than just mindless filler. Hearing music come blasting out of speakers as opposed to seeing and hearing people perform a song you love is a huge difference. In short, a live band is what sets the normal weddings that fade away into distant memory apart from the ones that are remembered by more than just the newlyweds. Of course, it may also be that a DJ makes your wedding memorable for all the wrong reasons… There’s nothing worse, in my opinion, than a wedding DJ that sounds more like he belongs at a nightclub than a reception hall.
And there are actually more types of bands out there than you might think. So no excuses about the fact that you’re not having an “upscale” wedding and a jazz band just doesn’t fit your theme. Although that’s what comes to mind when I think live band, remember that you can hire a band for just about any type of music YOU had in mind. Destination wedding in a tropical climate? No problem, hire up a local reggae band. Traditional Jewish wedding? I’ll bet the Rabbi knows someone. Regardless of the type of music or the setting, there’s a solution out there for you. My simple suggestion after all my typical elitism is just that you don’t automatically rule out a live band from the start. Give it a shot. Audition a few potentials. Trust me, the difference is astounding.
The Discerning Gent: The Kiss
When you think about wedding ceremonies, what do you typically remember? The wedding procession? The bride’s walk down the aisle? The priest’s words? The exchange of vows or rings? All great things, but the moment that most often stands out in people’s minds is the kiss. The embrace, the smooch, the smack, the peck, the kiss. As the first official act as husband and wife, husband and husband, or wife and wife, it’s symbolic. It’s a small yet integral part of your public display of love and adoration for one another. It’s the culmination of the entire ceremony and what everyone is really waiting for.
Talk about pressure.
I’ve seen a myriad of different kisses, from ones that are epic and beautiful to ones that simply fall flat. With so much anticipation for the brief moment, I can’t convey how disappointing it is when the newlyweds underwhelm the guests with a kiss that makes you think they’re related. You just married this person. Kiss them with a little passion and with, dare I say, love. One kiss I witnessed was so short, so half-assed, that an elderly woman behind me actually yelled, “If you don’t kiss him for real, I’m gonna come up there and show you how it’s done!” Sassy one she was.. But I shared her annoyance. The kiss is supposed to be the cherry on top of the ceremony. I can’t speak for everyone else, but I and most certainly the elderly woman behind me literally felt cheated.
Of course, there’s definitely such a thing as overdoing it. We’ve all seen one or two examples of kisses that make you want to shield children’s eyes. I’m talking about full-on, deep, tongue kissing that goes on longer than it took to say vows. In these cases, there’s definitely no shortage of passion or love. The shortage instead is with modesty. I can’t even begin to imagine how people can perform what is actually a step shy from full-on foreplay in front of friends and family. In my opinion, there’s just something awkward about doing that with your parents or other close family in the front row. Do us all a favor and save that “enthusiasm” for later.
Like most things in life, the middle ground or moderation is best. Land somewhere between kissing Aunt Petunia and playing tonsil hockey and you’ll probably satisfy the crowd.
Have a kissing story to tell? Post a comment or tweet @GetEngaged!
The Discerning Gent: Super Proposals
The proposal. Some guys sweat it out. Others barely pay it any attention. There are good ones that make for great dinner stories, and there are the bad ones that live forever in infamy. And then there are the ones that are so great, so well played, that they completely ruin any chance for us guys to do something considered even remotely romantic by comparison. You only hear about these fabled “Super Proposals” every so often. But, with the invention of the internet and the subsequent rise of social networking, a veritable archive of such proposal pantheons is at the fingertips of every hopeful bride. That’s right. Be afraid guys.
One such example has to be the infamous proposal at Disneyland. And with well over 2.2 million views just on YouTube alone, it’s a safe bet that girlfriends, and even future girlfriends for that matter, will have seen or at least heard of the new level at which the bar was set. If you’re out there guys, let me tell you something; we’re screwed.
Not only is this guy romantic, he can act, sing, and even dance too. I sincerely hope that guy has had some kind of formal training or at least works at Disney. Because if he’s just like the rest of us and was able to casually pull that out of his back pocket? Us guys are truly in trouble.
But I’ll be honest, even I can’t help but smile as I watch that elaborate production. There’s obviously some real time and effort put into it. And guys, here’s where it gets important: That effort? That feeling and emotion behind those few simple words, “will you marry me?” That’s what truly matters when it comes to popping the question. That’s what makes a proposal a successful one, regardless of how many people you do it in front of or to what great lengths you go.
Not all of us have the means to whisk our partners away to romantic locales, getting down one knee on the top of the Eiffel Tower or in front of the fountains in Rome. Most of us probably don’t even have access to the Disneyland cast for that matter. But you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Because as long as you’re asking her to spend the rest of her life with you for the right reasons, and as long as you’ve done more planning than can fit on a Mc Donald’s napkin, then you’ll be okay.
The mistake is not putting any effort in. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, over planning so that you start to freak out when you two don’t hit all 39 items on the evening itinerary. Put some real heart into it and be sensible. If can you do at least that, chances are you’ll come out just fine. Just remember that you may want to be sure you stay away from a few inopportune moments. And if you’re really stuck, no one said that you can’t look at those Super Proposal videos on YouTube too.
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The Discerning Gent: Let’s Go Shopping
It has long been one of the cornerstones of American-male dreams: the girlfriend, the fiancé, or the wife who loves sports. But let’s all be honest, it’s not often a dream that comes true. Instead, we find that if they simply make an effort, it’s a gesture that is deeply appreciated. And yes, in rare occasions, this effort takes root and a small portion of lucky American-males actually realize their fairytale. However gentlemen, please do remember that like the rest of your relationship, this too is a two-way street.
Just as rare as the female sports fanatic is the male shopping enthusiast. Although not impossible, it seems as though the majority of the male population is simply not keen to shop. As an extension of what I have said in the past about making an effort to prevent and resolve conflict with your significant other, the same can be said about participating in wedding preparations (i.e. wedding shopping). Some brides-to-be can appreciate and even desire their fiancés to actively help pick and choose things for the big day. With all that is involved with weddings, this can more than likely cover a very large range from invitations, centerpieces, favors, and even wedding dresses.
Honestly, the notion came to me while watching Say Yes to the Dress when I noticed the small minority of significant others who came with their fiancés to help choose the timeless, iconic gown. While this can be expected, since many prefer their fiancés to not see them in the dress beforehand, my point is simply that brides-to-be can use the support and will at the very least appreciate the effort. Offer your help. Be a part of the planning. Who knows, you might actually even come to enjoy shopping. Or you may discover that you and your significant other can do more together than previously thought possible. You love one another and are getting married. Thus, what it all boils down to is that you and your fiancé are there for each other. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
The Discerning Gent: What’s with the garter thing?
By no means do I consider myself an authority on weddings. I do, however, believe that you folk can trust me and my tastes to steer you in a stylish, classy and sometimes even chic direction. Nevertheless, I don’t pretend to have all the answers and there’s one ritual or tradition that’s had me on the fence for some time now.
The throwing of the bouquet is a must. It just is. You can relax, ladies, I’m not taking that from you. What I am unsure of, however, is the whole garter ordeal. If you’re unfamiliar, the bride sits precariously in the middle of the dance floor or stage or whatnot with the groom sheepishly meandering in front of her. Then, with innuendos abound, the groom kneels down and reaches up into the bride’s dress and retrieves a lacy garter.
There’s pretty much only one real “classy” way to do this, which frankly isn’t very exciting if we’re honest. Sans any overly raunchy music courtesy of the DJ or band, the groom appears to be a bit shy and a bit nervous as he gets the garter off without much of a fuss. Not quite entertainment gold obviously, but at least the 20, 50 or 100’s of family members don’t suddenly see the two of them in an entirely new light. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve really only seen that modest display a grand total of 2 times. 3 times tops. No, all too often the groom, and sometimes the bride too, think it’s a better idea to, well – “put on a show.” Suddenly it’s no longer a wedding, but a burlesque. In an over-zealous, overtly hyper-sexual manner, the groom spends several agonizing, parent-horrifying minutes getting the darn thing off. And if the bride is encourageable, she makes it appears as though that’s not the only thing he’s getting off… Come on people, think of the children! I’ve even been witness to multiple occasions when the groom somehow got it into his head that playing hide and seek under the bride’s dress was a good idea. Although this one the children are already hip to.
And then there’s the question of who really wants the garter after it’s come off. I’m fuzzy on this honestly. Whoever catches the bouquet is supposedly next to get married, right? Is it the same from the garter? Somehow I can’t imagine it is. So then it’s all just a display of testosteroney competitiveness? Okay, it’s tradition. I get that. But really, why? At my half-sister’s wedding, my cousins were trying to encourage me to go up there with the other guys who had no idea what they were doing, to try and catch the darn thing. Call me immature, but something about that didn’t appeal to me.
With just as many questions as opinions, if not more, I’m leaving it up to you guys and gals out there. What do you think about the whole thing? Do you like the racy displays or would you prefer it to be toned down? I’m curious. Let me know your thoughts. Share your experiences. Comments are great, pictures are excellent. Video? Fantastic.
The Discerning Gent: Loosen Up
Sometimes you simply need to undo your top button and loosen your tie. With the winter holidays just around the corner, I figure I’d do just that. Today I break the mold of my usual format. Instead: a story.
It was somewhere between three or four years ago in December when my half-sister got married. I wasn’t and to this day still am not fond of the groom, so I won’t get into some of the finer details. But, about half-way into the nights festivities, the lights dimmed and there was a lull in the program. My cousins and I were standing in the hallway between the reception and what appeared to be some company Christmas party, nursing what remained of the drinks we hoarded during the far-too-short 1-hour open bar. From our vantage point in the hallway, we could see tables filled with employees who looked no more excited to be there than we did. My cousin’s wife Gina, who somehow managed to consume more drinks during the open bar than the rest of us, took it upon herself to liven the mood. Handing her drink off to my cousin, she strode into the company party with something I can only describe as a well misplaced air of confidence. The majority of us couldn’t bare to watch what we anticipated to become “a situation.” The kind that wedding horror stories are made of. The rest of us simply couldn’t refrain from laughing uncontrollably. We were, after all, feeling the effects of the open bar. When we did catch a glimpse, however, the people she sat with somehow seemed to be happier than they had been before her arrival. My cousin Gina was in there for what felt like 15 minutes, long enough for some of us to forget she had even gone in. When she finally did emerge, she was carrying beers in both hands and wearing a genuine smile that the rest of us envied.
I don’t really have much of a point or message to communicate with this story. It could probably be said that had the wedding been planned well, there wouldn’t have been the lull or opportunity to brew boredom. But the fact of the matter is that there was. What comfort or entertainment we sought out in the hallway, I don’t know. What I do know is that of all the things I remember that night, I remember those moments. Perhaps then the meaning behind it all is subtle and implicit. That people can find amusement in uncomfortable situations as long as there are others with them. Something like that.
Or maybe it’s just, “Alcohol = Good.”
A Discerning Gent: The Wedding Anthem
Ask most guys what the theme song is for their favorite sporting event and you’ll immediately be treated an earful of tone deaf testosterone, especially if you ask what the FOX NFL theme song is. It’s no secret that music evokes emotion. The theme songs we hear elicit specific feelings and set the mood for what we’re about to experience. As such, it’s no mistake that the trumpets and horns get us fired up for watching football, we’re supposed to feel excited and have our adrenaline going for that. But, when it comes to your wedding, realize that the music played while the wedding party is walking down the aisle is effectively the theme song to the entire event.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for creativity and individuality. Playing songs that carry special meaning for you and your bride will make your day all that more memorable. But, try to refrain from being too creative when it comes to your “wedding theme song.” To this day, I still question my cousin’s choice of song for his wedding. Most of you reading this blog will be of the appropriate age to recall the song “So in love with you” by UNV. Sure, it’s a kind of “wedding song,” sort of, but is that really the kind of tone you want to set in front of all the extended family? His wedding was fourteen years ago and we still don’t let him live that one down.
It could very well be that I have a personal affinity, and therefore bias, for Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. The cliché wedding song holds significant meaning in my life and so despite it’s over use and subsequent bastardization, it’s still my top pick for such purposes. There’s something about the chorus of strings that makes Canon in D a timeless choice, regardless of how many times you hear its endless variations. It may not be the most creative choice, but at least no one will be chastising you fourteen years later.
And so my advice to you, fellow gentlemen, is simple: pick something classy for that song. Realize that the wedding procession walking down the aisle is the first real hint at what your wedding will feel like. You might think it’s cute or clever, but the reality is that the sound of UNV screaming their lyric, “I will staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand before God!!” at the top of their Nubian lungs will surely throw people off.
I’m not suggesting that Canon in D is your only choice; although I know that for my own wedding someday there’ll be no question. By all means, have your pick of song. Just remember that straying too far from Canon in D or even outside of classical music can be risky. I’m not saying that it can’t work at all, but try and use your best judgment. Ask yourself whether the song you pick will still seem like a wise choice ten or twenty years from now when your wife randomly has the desire to watch the video. If you envision even the slightest bit of cringing, then the truth is that Canon in D might not sound like such a bad choice after all.
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