Archive for the ‘@DistinguishGent (Dominic's posts)’ Category
The Discerning Gent: The Kiss
When you think about wedding ceremonies, what do you typically remember? The wedding procession? The bride’s walk down the aisle? The priest’s words? The exchange of vows or rings? All great things, but the moment that most often stands out in people’s minds is the kiss. The embrace, the smooch, the smack, the peck, the kiss. As the first official act as husband and wife, husband and husband, or wife and wife, it’s symbolic. It’s a small yet integral part of your public display of love and adoration for one another. It’s the culmination of the entire ceremony and what everyone is really waiting for.
Talk about pressure.
I’ve seen a myriad of different kisses, from ones that are epic and beautiful to ones that simply fall flat. With so much anticipation for the brief moment, I can’t convey how disappointing it is when the newlyweds underwhelm the guests with a kiss that makes you think they’re related. You just married this person. Kiss them with a little passion and with, dare I say, love. One kiss I witnessed was so short, so half-assed, that an elderly woman behind me actually yelled, “If you don’t kiss him for real, I’m gonna come up there and show you how it’s done!” Sassy one she was.. But I shared her annoyance. The kiss is supposed to be the cherry on top of the ceremony. I can’t speak for everyone else, but I and most certainly the elderly woman behind me literally felt cheated.
Of course, there’s definitely such a thing as overdoing it. We’ve all seen one or two examples of kisses that make you want to shield children’s eyes. I’m talking about full-on, deep, tongue kissing that goes on longer than it took to say vows. In these cases, there’s definitely no shortage of passion or love. The shortage instead is with modesty. I can’t even begin to imagine how people can perform what is actually a step shy from full-on foreplay in front of friends and family. In my opinion, there’s just something awkward about doing that with your parents or other close family in the front row. Do us all a favor and save that “enthusiasm” for later.
Like most things in life, the middle ground or moderation is best. Land somewhere between kissing Aunt Petunia and playing tonsil hockey and you’ll probably satisfy the crowd.
Have a kissing story to tell? Post a comment or tweet @GetEngaged!
The Discerning Gent: Super Proposals
The proposal. Some guys sweat it out. Others barely pay it any attention. There are good ones that make for great dinner stories, and there are the bad ones that live forever in infamy. And then there are the ones that are so great, so well played, that they completely ruin any chance for us guys to do something considered even remotely romantic by comparison. You only hear about these fabled “Super Proposals” every so often. But, with the invention of the internet and the subsequent rise of social networking, a veritable archive of such proposal pantheons is at the fingertips of every hopeful bride. That’s right. Be afraid guys.
One such example has to be the infamous proposal at Disneyland. And with well over 2.2 million views just on YouTube alone, it’s a safe bet that girlfriends, and even future girlfriends for that matter, will have seen or at least heard of the new level at which the bar was set. If you’re out there guys, let me tell you something; we’re screwed.
Not only is this guy romantic, he can act, sing, and even dance too. I sincerely hope that guy has had some kind of formal training or at least works at Disney. Because if he’s just like the rest of us and was able to casually pull that out of his back pocket? Us guys are truly in trouble.
But I’ll be honest, even I can’t help but smile as I watch that elaborate production. There’s obviously some real time and effort put into it. And guys, here’s where it gets important: That effort? That feeling and emotion behind those few simple words, “will you marry me?” That’s what truly matters when it comes to popping the question. That’s what makes a proposal a successful one, regardless of how many people you do it in front of or to what great lengths you go.
Not all of us have the means to whisk our partners away to romantic locales, getting down one knee on the top of the Eiffel Tower or in front of the fountains in Rome. Most of us probably don’t even have access to the Disneyland cast for that matter. But you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Because as long as you’re asking her to spend the rest of her life with you for the right reasons, and as long as you’ve done more planning than can fit on a Mc Donald’s napkin, then you’ll be okay.
The mistake is not putting any effort in. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, over planning so that you start to freak out when you two don’t hit all 39 items on the evening itinerary. Put some real heart into it and be sensible. If can you do at least that, chances are you’ll come out just fine. Just remember that you may want to be sure you stay away from a few inopportune moments. And if you’re really stuck, no one said that you can’t look at those Super Proposal videos on YouTube too.
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The Discerning Gent: Let’s Go Shopping
It has long been one of the cornerstones of American-male dreams: the girlfriend, the fiancé, or the wife who loves sports. But let’s all be honest, it’s not often a dream that comes true. Instead, we find that if they simply make an effort, it’s a gesture that is deeply appreciated. And yes, in rare occasions, this effort takes root and a small portion of lucky American-males actually realize their fairytale. However gentlemen, please do remember that like the rest of your relationship, this too is a two-way street.
Just as rare as the female sports fanatic is the male shopping enthusiast. Although not impossible, it seems as though the majority of the male population is simply not keen to shop. As an extension of what I have said in the past about making an effort to prevent and resolve conflict with your significant other, the same can be said about participating in wedding preparations (i.e. wedding shopping). Some brides-to-be can appreciate and even desire their fiancés to actively help pick and choose things for the big day. With all that is involved with weddings, this can more than likely cover a very large range from invitations, centerpieces, favors, and even wedding dresses.
Honestly, the notion came to me while watching Say Yes to the Dress when I noticed the small minority of significant others who came with their fiancés to help choose the timeless, iconic gown. While this can be expected, since many prefer their fiancés to not see them in the dress beforehand, my point is simply that brides-to-be can use the support and will at the very least appreciate the effort. Offer your help. Be a part of the planning. Who knows, you might actually even come to enjoy shopping. Or you may discover that you and your significant other can do more together than previously thought possible. You love one another and are getting married. Thus, what it all boils down to is that you and your fiancé are there for each other. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
The Discerning Gent: Smile
It’s cliché, but pictures really do say a thousand words. As people, there’s so much we get from looking at a picture. Not only do we see the subjects, we see the context where we get a sense of emotion whether it is excitement, joy or even love.
A friend of mine is a freelance photographer. Sometimes she’s hired to take pictures of weddings. Sometimes it’s other events. She likes to show me her work, partly because I, as a visual person, enjoy looking at photos, and partly because she trusts my eye. I’ve found that the photos I enjoy most are typically engagement photos. She’s skillful in capturing the range of emotions that the lovers are going through. With how many I’ve seen, however, I must say that I have witnessed a few occasions when her subjects just didn’t sparkle. As a photographer, there’s really only so much direction she can give. At some point it’s really up to the subjects to light up the frame. Which is why I say that for something as important as engagement pictures, or even wedding pictures, people should really put some effort in and practice.
It seems silly, I know. But some people really have issues smiling. In my lifetime, I’ve known almost an entire handful of people who really and truly did not know how to smile for pictures. When they laughed, perfect smiles. When it came time for a picture, it looked BEYOND forced. For your engagement or wedding pictures, please practice, even if it’s just simply in front of the mirror in the morning. Smile. See if you like how it looks. Ultimately you’ll be your worst critic, so it’s okay for you to judge. If you want to take it up a notch, practice smiling without looking at your reflection whilst doing so. Take your own picture or turn away from the mirror, smile, then look. In my opinion it feels different smiling when you don’t know what you look like than when you do. And if you don’t like the way your smile looks? Think it looks forced? Laugh at something. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to have a fake-looking smile when laughing.
It all seems a bit ridiculous, but let’s remember that you’re paying good money for these pictures. If anything, you’re spending your valuable time taking them. You want these pictures that you’ll look back on for years to come to turn out as beautiful as possible. So if it means something that feels slightly silly like practicing smiling in front of the mirror, then I think it’s something we owe not only to our significant others, but also to ourselves.
The Discerning Gent: Loosen Up
Sometimes you simply need to undo your top button and loosen your tie. With the winter holidays just around the corner, I figure I’d do just that. Today I break the mold of my usual format. Instead: a story.
It was somewhere between three or four years ago in December when my half-sister got married. I wasn’t and to this day still am not fond of the groom, so I won’t get into some of the finer details. But, about half-way into the nights festivities, the lights dimmed and there was a lull in the program. My cousins and I were standing in the hallway between the reception and what appeared to be some company Christmas party, nursing what remained of the drinks we hoarded during the far-too-short 1-hour open bar. From our vantage point in the hallway, we could see tables filled with employees who looked no more excited to be there than we did. My cousin’s wife Gina, who somehow managed to consume more drinks during the open bar than the rest of us, took it upon herself to liven the mood. Handing her drink off to my cousin, she strode into the company party with something I can only describe as a well misplaced air of confidence. The majority of us couldn’t bare to watch what we anticipated to become “a situation.” The kind that wedding horror stories are made of. The rest of us simply couldn’t refrain from laughing uncontrollably. We were, after all, feeling the effects of the open bar. When we did catch a glimpse, however, the people she sat with somehow seemed to be happier than they had been before her arrival. My cousin Gina was in there for what felt like 15 minutes, long enough for some of us to forget she had even gone in. When she finally did emerge, she was carrying beers in both hands and wearing a genuine smile that the rest of us envied.
I don’t really have much of a point or message to communicate with this story. It could probably be said that had the wedding been planned well, there wouldn’t have been the lull or opportunity to brew boredom. But the fact of the matter is that there was. What comfort or entertainment we sought out in the hallway, I don’t know. What I do know is that of all the things I remember that night, I remember those moments. Perhaps then the meaning behind it all is subtle and implicit. That people can find amusement in uncomfortable situations as long as there are others with them. Something like that.
Or maybe it’s just, “Alcohol = Good.”
The Discerning Gent: What’s with the garter thing?
By no means do I consider myself an authority on weddings. I do, however, believe that you folk can trust me and my tastes to steer you in a stylish, classy and sometimes even chic direction. Nevertheless, I don’t pretend to have all the answers and there’s one ritual or tradition that’s had me on the fence for some time now.
The throwing of the bouquet is a must. It just is. You can relax, ladies, I’m not taking that from you. What I am unsure of, however, is the whole garter ordeal. If you’re unfamiliar, the bride sits precariously in the middle of the dance floor or stage or whatnot with the groom sheepishly meandering in front of her. Then, with innuendos abound, the groom kneels down and reaches up into the bride’s dress and retrieves a lacy garter.
There’s pretty much only one real “classy” way to do this, which frankly isn’t very exciting if we’re honest. Sans any overly raunchy music courtesy of the DJ or band, the groom appears to be a bit shy and a bit nervous as he gets the garter off without much of a fuss. Not quite entertainment gold obviously, but at least the 20, 50 or 100’s of family members don’t suddenly see the two of them in an entirely new light. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve really only seen that modest display a grand total of 2 times. 3 times tops. No, all too often the groom, and sometimes the bride too, think it’s a better idea to, well – “put on a show.” Suddenly it’s no longer a wedding, but a burlesque. In an over-zealous, overtly hyper-sexual manner, the groom spends several agonizing, parent-horrifying minutes getting the darn thing off. And if the bride is encourageable, she makes it appears as though that’s not the only thing he’s getting off… Come on people, think of the children! I’ve even been witness to multiple occasions when the groom somehow got it into his head that playing hide and seek under the bride’s dress was a good idea. Although this one the children are already hip to.
And then there’s the question of who really wants the garter after it’s come off. I’m fuzzy on this honestly. Whoever catches the bouquet is supposedly next to get married, right? Is it the same from the garter? Somehow I can’t imagine it is. So then it’s all just a display of testosteroney competitiveness? Okay, it’s tradition. I get that. But really, why? At my half-sister’s wedding, my cousins were trying to encourage me to go up there with the other guys who had no idea what they were doing, to try and catch the darn thing. Call me immature, but something about that didn’t appeal to me.
With just as many questions as opinions, if not more, I’m leaving it up to you guys and gals out there. What do you think about the whole thing? Do you like the racy displays or would you prefer it to be toned down? I’m curious. Let me know your thoughts. Share your experiences. Comments are great, pictures are excellent. Video? Fantastic.
The Discerning Gent: Fall Weddings
Being born and raised in California, I’ve never really known what seasons are. I just know that during what’s supposed to be fall and winter, it’s cool enough to wear pants, long-sleeved shirts and jackets. All at the same time, mind you. I’m sure that if I were to ever relocate to where the temperature stretches further than 30 degrees between winter and summer, I might have a different opinion. But as of now, I tend to like the cooler months. Fall and winter bring the brief opportunity to don apparel barely seen, let alone sold, here in Southern California. Apparel that tends to be more elegant and proper by nature.
It’s November now, a month I’ve always been more fond of. Assuming you’re not surrounded by palm or evergreen trees, the outdoors in November are actually quite beautiful. Contrasting colors combined with a certain crispness to the air make for a refreshing once-a-year experience. With Thanksgiving around the corner and Christmas just behind it, you can’t help but have the closeness of family on your mind. The sights, sounds, smells, feel and thoughts all combine to be somehow comforting.
Besides major national holidays, there’s no real wrong time to schedule a wedding. There are, however, slightly more opportune moments. I happen to be particularly keen on weddings in early November. The weather, here in California at least, tends to be perfect for the fine stylings of formal wear. With no need to worry about sweat stains on shirts or dresses, there’s much opportunity to polish up. In addition, the fall colors give your wedding photos a distinct and unique feel. Instead of the far too common bright greens found in weddings from summer months, you have luscious reds, yellows, oranges and auburns. It’s a much more interesting backdrop for the wedding party in their various shades of black and white.
Sure, I admit that I may be picking a month or season for a wedding based almost solely for the purpose of serving wardrobe. However, with the major mementos from the wedding being pictures and video, I think it’s a reasonable emphasis. I suppose the more important message to take from this is that you want your guests to be appropriate but comfortable. Try to ensure that the weather associated with the season plays to the attire or location of your wedding. Avoiding things like full suits and long dresses during the summer months in a tropical climate would indeed be prudent. But if that’s what you’ve always envisioned your guests to wear, helping them avoid sweat stains would be a well appreciated gesture.
The Discerning Gent: Loosen Up
Sometimes you simply need to undo your top button and loosen your tie. With the winter holidays just around the corner, I figure I’d do just that. Today I break the mold of my usual format. Instead: a story.
It was somewhere between three or four years ago in December when my half-sister got married. I wasn’t and to this day still am not fond of the groom, so I won’t get into some of the finer details. But, about half-way into the nights festivities, the lights dimmed and there was a lull in the program. My cousins and I were standing in the hallway between the reception and what appeared to be some company Christmas party, nursing what remained of the drinks we hoarded during the far-too-short 1-hour open bar. From our vantage point in the hallway, we could see tables filled with employees who looked no more excited to be there than we did. My cousin’s wife Gina, who somehow managed to consume more drinks during the open bar than the rest of us, took it upon herself to liven the mood. Handing her drink off to my cousin, she strode into the company party with something I can only describe as a well misplaced air of confidence. The majority of us couldn’t bare to watch what we anticipated to become “a situation.” The kind that wedding horror stories are made of. The rest of us simply couldn’t refrain from laughing uncontrollably. We were, after all, feeling the effects of the open bar. When we did catch a glimpse, however, the people she sat with somehow seemed to be happier than they had been before her arrival. My cousin Gina was in there for what felt like 15 minutes, long enough for some of us to forget she had even gone in. When she finally did emerge, she was carrying beers in both hands and wearing a genuine smile that the rest of us envied.
I don’t really have much of a point or message to communicate with this story. It could probably be said that had the wedding been planned well, there wouldn’t have been the lull or opportunity to brew boredom. But the fact of the matter is that there was. What comfort or entertainment we sought out in the hallway, I don’t know. What I do know is that of all the things I remember that night, I remember those moments. Perhaps then the meaning behind it all is subtle and implicit. That people can find amusement in uncomfortable situations as long as there are others with them. Something like that.
Or maybe it’s just, “Alcohol = Good.”
Suit Up
Not all weddings call for suits. Sometimes the theme or setting just doesn’t necessitate formal wear. Nevertheless, the majority of weddings will indeed require that the men suit up or sometimes even don a tux. Unlike most guys, I actually enjoy dressing up. As such, it really irritates me when I see people I think are doing it wrong, or at least could do it better.
This week, I let some images do my heavy lifting. The do’s and don’ts of men’s formal wedding attire, to be followed by a brief commentary:
Yes. Fit, style, color, everything. Yes.
No. And if your reasoning is that it fits the theme of your wedding, I cannot help you.
Yes. Blue is not taboo.
No. Please don’t.
Yes. Very nice color, but make sure it’s not out of context.
No. Even if his tie wasn’t loose or his shirt weren’t un-tucked, no. Not only is it way too pink, but the suit is also way too big on him.
From left to right: Sure, but lose the shoes. Yes. Not spectacular, but yes. Yes.
So, what do we take from this?
Don’t be sloppy. If you’re going to wear a suit, do it justice. Tuck in your shirt, tighten your tie and make sure what you put on doesn’t have more wrinkles than an elephant.
Make sure it fits. Contrary to popular belief, almost nothing fits perfectly off the rack. Find a good tailor who can make sure the suit follows the lines of your body instead of draping off it. A talented tailor can turn a your good suit into great one. Seek out a Details or GQ magazine for specifics.
Avoid vibrant colors that don’t occur in nature. You’re getting married, not going clubbing.
And lastly, let’s try and remember to distinguish between the two P’s. When donning a suit or formal wear, you want to look like a penguin, not a pimp.
The Discerning Gent: Man Up
We’ve all seen it in the movies or on the TV shows. At some point leading up to the wedding, the bride and groom get into a monumental fight and may even call the whole thing off. In an ideal world, we’d be able to chalk it all that up to Hollywood dramatics, the 2nd act climax before the 3rd act resolve. Unfortunately, we can all agree that this world we live in is far from perfect. And those Hollywood writers didn’t come up with the idea of a potentially matrimony-crippling fight out of thin air either. The fact of the matter is that it is entirely likely for you and your bride-to-be to get into a fight at some point leading up to that fateful day. Whether or not it breaks you two can pretty heavily lean on your male shoulders.
High stress environments are to fights as the 70’s were to sex and drugs. Left unattended, fireworks of some kind will likely light up. We men may not realize it, given our tendency to be as far removed from the wedding planning process as possible, but the months leading up to a wedding can be the utmost of hostile situations. The best way to fix an argument is to avoid one entirely. Realize that our female companions have been dreaming about their wedding days since they were very little girls. They will do everything in their power, and sometimes what is beyond their power, to make sure it is as impossibly perfect as they envisioned it being. Avoiding an argument means creating an environment that is as supportive as possible. They need you to be there for them. But, here’s where it gets tricky; don’t think that you can simply agree to whatever they say. The worst thing that could ever come out of your mouth is, “whatever you want is fine with me.” Do that enough and you can expect to end up as that creepy 55-year old bachelor who doesn’t grasp the idea that a convertible is not a good combination with a toupee.
Finally, there are those times when you find yourself in a fight before you even have time to remember what day of the week it is. Sometimes they’re just unavoidable and there’s nothing you can do. In those situations, guys, you have to remember how much you love this girl and make the extra effort to see where she’s coming from. Realize what she’s going through and man-up. Swallow your pride. Understand what went wrong and figure out how to fix it. Because the reality of it all is that she can cry and complain all she wants to her family or her girlfriends, but the one person that can make everything right, the ONE person that can save the marriage, is you. In this gentleman’s eyes, it is ultimately your job to make sure the two of you make it to the wedding as an actual couple. And if you can manage that much, be proud. You’ve done your duty.
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