Archive for the ‘Ask A Bride’ Category
Ask A Bride: Where do I propose?
I am proposing to my girlfriend quite soon. We have discussed marriage and this won’t be a complete surprise, but I have no idea where I should actually propose. I’m really open to anything – I just don’t know where to start. Any ideas?
- Geoff, Rhode Island
Geoff,
Great question. There is so much to take into consideration when planning a proposal. Surprise? Ask her dad first? Down on one knee? I would say yes to all these questions. When it comes to location, I would go nostalgic. Even as cheesy as that sounds, this is a time to be romantic and cheesy so she will brag about it and remember it forever. It will also be fun to clue her in this way a bit, without actually saying anything. Maybe a weekend away where you had your first date? First kiss? She’ll suspect something, but just enough to wonder. Another great location is a place she’s always said she’s wanted to go or maybe a nice weekend getaway to her parent’s house in the Hamptons. If a weekend getaway isn’t possible and the nostalgic angle is out, work with what you have. Give her a beautiful day locally by going to the park, treating her to meals out, and ending the day with the proposal. The best thing to remember is make the best out of what you have. If you can’t afford to travel for the proposal, don’t worry about it. Make your house a romantic setting! Whatever location you choose, jazz it up.
How did you decide on your proposal location? Let us know!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @GetEngaged
Ask A Bride: Best Man Speech
My brother asked me to be his best man at his wedding, and I couldn’t turn him down. However, I am really worried about the best man speech. I hate public speaking, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to sound like an idiot, so I am hoping I can find some examples of good speeches online that I can base mine off of. I want to keep it very short though so I don’t have to talk long and have less of a chance of messing it up. I want my brother’s wedding to go well.
- John, Colorado
John,
Hello! First, let me put your mind a bit at rest (I hope.) These concerns are very common for people faced with the toasts at a wedding. I too hate public speaking. The thought of doing my maid of honor speech at my friend’s wedding was terrifying. You are not alone! I think the majority of people out there hate public speaking. It is not easy. The good news is that everyone knows this and people are understanding when you’re nervous. So that’s ok! The other good news is that obviously your brother really cares about what you have to say and really, this speech is for him and his new bride. You are right on track already with how your speech should go. Keep it short! Also, your chances of messing up the speech goes down to about zero when you make yourself some notes. It is very common for people to do this. You can even write down the whole speech if you’d like. Take some tips from the videos you see on YouTube. There are hundreds of examples there! It will leave you with some good do’s and don’ts.
Here is your basic rundown of your short speech:
- Introduce yourself and say how you are related to the groom/bride
- Thank the groom for asking you to be his best man – even if you are dreading this!
- Tell a small anecdote about the groom and/or bride and groom OR you can describe their virtues and how great they are for each other.
- Raise your glass and congratulate them!
You’re done.
And you can start breathing again.
Let us know how you got through your wedding toast!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @GetEngaged
Ask A Bride: Wedding Parties
Hello! Me and my fiancé both are having a bit of a problem with our wedding parties. We recently became engaged but are wanting to get our wedding parties together now as our wedding is less than a year away already. What’s happening is that I am having bridesmaids (and groomsmen) who are not giving us straight answers about whether or not they will be able to commit to being a bridesmaid/groomsmen. Is there a polite way to get a straight answer from people without putting too much pressure on them?
- Lisa, California
Lisa,
I understand your dilemma! To cut down on these kinds of stresses for my wedding, I didn’t have a wedding party at all. I felt like it would be a stressful event as it is, I figured it would be easiest to just have me and my fiancé up at the altar. So what do you do when you are trying to get all your friends and family together at one place at one time? Well, you have to start reminding/nagging people for an answer. As you said, there needs to be a balance between being polite and putting pressure on people. What you need to keep in mind is that you aren’t pressuring them to say yes. You would just like an answer. And remind them of this as well! Also helpful? Give them a deadline. Not in a way a boss would, but let them know that you need to have your wedding party list finalized by such and such a date. I think really the best thing to realize is that if you are having trouble just getting an answer out of someone for this, imagine how difficult it may be to get them to the rehearsal, to the wedding, to the wedding shower, etc. If you hare having a really hard time getting an answer from certain people, I believe that is your answer and they don’t know how to tell you. Make it as easy for them as possible to give a truthful answer. If they can’t make it, they can’t make it. It may mean cutting down on your wedding party, but it would be best to know there will be people there you can depend on!
Let us know how you got your wedding party together below!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @GetEngaged!
Ask A Bride: Ring Out Of Reach Financially
I’m in a bit of a pickle. I’d really like to propose to my girlfriend quite soon (and I’m getting the feeling she is anxious for this as well). My problem? The ring I would really like to get her is still a bit out of my reach financially. Do I go with the smaller diamond to propose now or wait a bit longer for the ring I - and she – would really like? I guess my main question is will she be happier with a bigger ring or a proposal that comes sooner?
- Robert, Gaithersburg MD
Robert,
What I love about you already is that you are concerned with meeting all your future fiancés needs and obviously would like to please her with the ring and proposal timing she desires. I believe that the answer to this question depends on a couple factors (and the lady readers can add in their 2 cents to this as well). Has she given you an ultimatum? If there has been a point in your relationship where she has said I want us to be engaged by such and such time, I would encourage you to propose by that time regardless of the ring size. You may be able to buy some time if you tell her you 100% are proposing in the near future but need a little extension since you are trying to buy the ring of her dreams. If you more of a secretive and subtle hint kind of relationship, I think you are safe to wait. Drop hints that a proposal is coming if you feel that it is necessary. Most women are willing to wait it out when they know a proposal and ring are in their future (right ladies?) My question to you is how long will the waiting period be? Once you start discussing engagement, we can become a bit antsy. So try to propose within the next 6 months if you can. Keep in mind you can always upgrade your diamond down the road if you feel like you don’t want to stretch your budget at this time in our economy. I think any reasonable lady will understand that sometimes extravagance needs to be put on the backburner and a lifetime together takes precedence over diamond size. For advice on comparing diamond size with budget, go here.
If you would like to share how you decided on your diamond size, please feel free to post below!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: Public vs. Private Proposals
I have a question about proposing to my girlfriend. I am planning a proposal soon and have the ring. She has dropped many hints that she would like a public proposal but that is really not my style. I would prefer something private, not to mention I’ll be nervous already so a crowd watching is just going to make things worse. How do I get around this?
- Andy, St. Louis
Andy,
Congrats on this big moment in your life! The bad news is, if she’s already been bold enough to drop hints about how she would like to be proposed to, there really is no getting off the hook with a public proposal. The good news is, you can have the best of her dream proposal and yours combined. I totally get the pressure you are under – you are about to ask the biggest question of your life and you are already nervous. Now you have strangers watching you? Double pressure. Some women like that whole idea of a crowd gathering, anticipating the question, and clapping when she says yes and you guys kiss. Who did this to women? Movies did. Your proposal can be in a public setting without you popping the question up on the big screen during a Lakers game or you getting up on stage during a concert for all to see while you get down on one knee. It doesn’t have to be as terrifying as you are envisioning. Pick a spot where you can have a private moment together but where people can also be lurking and get in on the action like your favorite restaurant, the aquarium, a park bench, on the beach, anywhere in Vegas, etc. Since she would like a crowd, try to choose a busy time of day when you won’t have to sit there and wait for 5 people to walk by. Since you would also like a private moment, wait to get down on your knee until you have said all you need to say. That will be the big attention grabber, so know that people will start staring at that point. Start giving her your speech that you would like to keep private quietly then when you’re ready to bring the stares, get on your knee and bring out the ring. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much you won’t realize other people are watching. You’ll be so focused on the task at hand that everything else will be a blur. Go get em!
If you would like to share your public proposal story with us, please post below!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: Splitting Up Guests
My wedding is in a couple weeks and I’m considering doing away with splitting up the guests for the ceremony. No grooms and brides side, just everyone together. Is this considered poor wedding etiquette? Why does this tradition exist?
- Sherry, North Dakota
Sherry,
Well, traditionally, the guests follow suit of how the bride and groom are standing. The bride is to stand on the left and the groom on the right (in Christian ceremonies). For Jewish weddings, you switch it up with the bride on the right and obviously the groom on the left. The original idea for this was that it was supposed to leave the groom’s right hand free so he could reach for his sword and defend his bride if necessary. Although this notion is pretty freaking romantic, it really is not a requirement for your ceremony. If you would like to do away with your guests taking sides, this is definitely not a problem. It can also eliminate the problem of your sides being uneven and guests needing to be seated/escorted to their seats. So, this is especially useful for casual weddings. Even if you are having a formal evening wedding you can still do away with bride and groom sides. This tradition is being used less and less often so it would not be considered crazy to do away with this. Let your guests roam free and have a great wedding!
Let us know how you did your ceremony seating below and if you would recommend it to our future bride!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: What if my fiance’s parents won’t pay for the rehearsal dinner?
What do I do if my fiancé’s parents will not pay for the rehearsal dinner? For whatever reason, they have not made any plans for a rehearsal dinner and time for planning it is running out. Is it bad etiquette for my fiancé and I to host a small rehearsal dinner ourselves? And how would I go about doing this?
- Carly, Boston
Carly,
As I’m sure you are finding out, this is a very sticky situation not only between you and your future in-laws but between you and your fiancé. You are stuck between wanting to plan things for your wedding and not wanting to offend your fiancé and his family. First, if you have not done so already, I would have your fiancé run some interference for you. Maybe his parents are a bit unfamiliar with wedding customs? It’s best to find out first before starting your own planning. Maybe they are super late planners? As the bride, I know this option is terrifying. You want everything planned ahead of time and perfectly! But some things are simply out of your control and this could potentially be one of them. Find out if they have any plans of putting together something at all. If it is neither of these options, it is definitely not out of the bounds of etiquette for you and your fiancé to host the rehearsal dinner because it is pretty vital. When planning your dinner, tread lightly. Although you may be a bit miffed that you are having to pay for this out of your own pocket, you will still need to invite the in-laws who are not willing to pay for it (that is, if they are a part of the wedding). Since this may have not been in your original budget, I would encourage you to keep it small. Perhaps host it at your or your parents place or a casual restaurant to keep it within budget. You don’t need to do anything big or offer an open bar. Keep it simple with reasonable entrees but also keep in mind that this is a sort of thank you for everyone closely involved in the wedding. You may just want to serve something simple like chicken and offer beer and wine for your guests. Another important thing to remember: as tempting as it may be, don’t do any of your complaining at the rehearsal dinner about having to host it yourselves. Keep it fun and simple for everyone!
If you have a story of late comers at your wedding or advice for our future bride, please share it with us!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: How do I deal with late arrivals?
My fiancé and I will be tying the knot on March 20th, not too much longer to wait! A main concern of mine is how do I deal with late arrivals? Do I wait for everyone as they filter in? Do I just start 10 minutes late? I don’t want our ceremony to be disturbed but I don’t want to start super late. Any ideas?
- Emily, Galva, Illinois
Emily,
Your wedding is just around the corner! This is definitely when the little details come up, as you have asked about. In this situation, your top priority will be to find someone to deal with this on the big day itself. Because late arrivals are inevitable. Even if you put it in your invitations to be on time (which I don’t recommend) and tell as many people as you can not to be late (also don’t recommend this) there will be stragglers and late guests. Always. You really can’t avoid it, so at least don’t stress out wondering whether or not it will happen. So what to do when they start to filter in? Start on time! At the very latest start 3-5 minutes late if you see people hurrying to their seats. You definitely don’t want to be following a guest down the aisle so give them a minute to settle in if you happen to see them. After that, it’s showtime! You can either choose an usher, a scary looking friend or your wedding coordinator to be positioned at the entrance to stop guests from coming in at a bad time. If they are late, they can wait a couple minutes at the door for a small break in the ceremony where they can quietly come in. But trust me, once the ceremony starts, your focus will not be on late comers. They seem like a big deal now but even if someone does come in late, you won’t notice and neither will anyone else. All eyes will be on you and your groom.
If you have a story of late comers at your wedding or advice for our future bride, please share it with us!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: How do I pick out her engagement ring?
I have plans of proposing to my girlfriend soon but have yet to pick out the ring. I’ve done my research and I know about the different styles and shapes but how do I really know what her ring should look like? How do I realistically pick out her engagement ring?
- Joe, Baltimore MD
Joe,
This is a question that comes up for many guys in your position and can lead to much stress and frustration. After all, this isn’t just any purchase. When you are spending this kind of money, you want to know that you’re getting the right thing and I totally understand that. Realistically? I can’t tell you exactly what your girlfriend is looking for. But if you are watchful and listen, she may be telling you herself. My brother was recently stressing about what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. I told him that women rarely have this problem because we listen. I intently listen to my husband and if he’s interested in an item, I know about it. The same was true for my brother’s girlfriend – while he stressed about what to get her, she picked out his gift based on a single phrase he said in passing. And he loved it! Anyway I say all this to say that your girlfriend is telling you things without really telling you. If she isn’t coming out and saying the words, she is telling you through her everyday sense of style and how she acts day to day. Does she currently have any diamond jewelry? Investigate this thoroughly. If she has diamond earrings, what shape are they? Most girls have a very specific shape they want and stick with that shape. Is she low maintenance or does she like every inch of her to sparkle? If she’s low maintenance I would go with a single diamond on a band instead of a multiple diamond ring. If she’s more the type to want to dazzle then I would go with either stones on each side of the center diamond or small diamonds all the way around the band. One day when you pass the jewelry store and you see her lingering around some items, take a look at what they are – even if they aren’t diamonds. A girl’s taste in jewelry tends not to vary too drastically. Another thing you may want to consider is going online and fiddling around with different styles. It’s easy to change the style and shape and you can ask yourself “is this something she would wear?” If not, keep changing it up until you find something that goes with her style. I would recommend visiting ADiamondIsForever as they have this great feature. Whatever you choose, you’ll know you made the right decision when you get on your knee and see her face. You can do this.
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
Ask A Bride: Engaged, now what?
I just got engaged! Christmas day, my fiancé proposed to me as my Christmas gift! My question? Where do I start with my planning? I have no idea where to even begin.
- Amy, Austin, Texas
Amy,
Congratulations! This is a great question. Amongst all the excitement and phone calls that occur within the few days following the proposal, it’s hard to know what happens next. Once the dust settles and you are able to start thinking clearly, sit down with your future hubby and discuss possible dates. Don’t settle on just one right away. You may need to keep a few options open in case your dream date is already taken at a particular vendor or a must have guest can’t make it on one of your possible wedding dates. When deciding on a date keep in mind that it may not be possible to please everyone. Not everyone may be able to make it on the same day. So while you want to keep a couple dates open, know that the perfect date may not exist. Of course, trying to get as close as possible is to be expected. Next? Set a budget. Get together with whoever is helping you fund your wedding along with your fiancé (yes, he has to be there) to get together a feasible budget that you will be sticking to. You will need to know your budget before selecting vendors or making any concrete decisions so this should be a very early step. This will also help you start the rest of your planning. You will need to set aside money for your ceremony venue, your reception venue, flowers, dress, wedding planner, food, etc. Before you know it, you’re planning your wedding! It’s also a good idea to decide early on if you will be getting a wedding planner. They will need to be in on the planning as early as possible so this will also be one of the first decisions you make. As these ideas start to come together, you will be well on your way to getting started. Good luck!
If you have a question for our bride, feel free to post a comment with your question or send a tweet to @getengaged!
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