Don’t Propose Now
There are some definite fantastic times to propose that we are all aware of. Anniversaries, big trips, romantic evenings…but there are some standard times to avoid proposing as well. If you want to throw caution to the wind and propose at these inappropriate times anyway, then go for it. Just be prepared that you may have a disaster on your hands as well as some bad reactions when you tell your proposal story. Read the following times/life events and try to avoid popping the question if you possibly can.
If she just told you she’s pregnant. It’s one thing if your relationship was headed there anyway. I have a friend who’s girlfriend just found out she’s pregnant. They have been discussing marriage for a while and decided they would get engaged within the next several months. The pregnancy (which they are overjoyed about) hasn’t put any dents in their time table. If an engagement has been discussed already, by all means go for it. It’s a good idea though not to propose the same night she tells you. If you do propose, make sure the proposal is just as romantic and about your relationship as it would have been pre-pregnancy. Don’t propose by laying the engagement ring on her pregnant belly. My advice to you would be let the dust settle and let the news of the pregnancy soak in. If you become engaged right after the pregnancy announcement, people are going to assume it’s simply because of the baby even if it couldn’t be further from the truth.
If you are in the middle of a huge fight. Although the temptation of stopping a huge fight in its tracks with a proposal is tempting, do not give in. Maybe you had a huge romantic getaway planned and a fight occurs. Bad news: you’re going to have to wait until it blows over. There’s nothing quite like interrupting an awkward mid-fight silence with getting down on one knee. Resolve the issue, have a laugh about it, then propose. I will condone proposing immediately post fight.
At someone else’s wedding. A couple’s wedding is their one day to be selfish and declare their love to the world. Please don’t take away their joy by announcing during their first dance “Blah Blah, I have been waiting a long time to ask you this…WILL YOU MARRY ME???” All the attention will suddenly be on you, not them. I know that a wedding seems like the perfect romantic setting for a proposal. That’s because it is. Someone paid hundreds or thousands of dollars to make it their perfect day. Not the perfect setting for your engagement. My parents didn’t just spend thousands of dollars for you to steal my love thunder. Don’t be that guy. Maybe other brides aren’t quite as selfish as I am. But if watching Bridezillas, Say Yes to the Dress, and Whose Wedding Is It Anyway has taught me anything, it’s that most brides are actually 50 times more selfish than I am.
If you have unsolvable conflict. I can’t stress this one enough. If you have fights that are never resolved or underlying issues you think will be solved by marriage, you are wrong. Any issues you had previous to your engagement will only be exacerbated by marriage. Problems with in-laws? It will escalate to terrible. Can’t get rid of that ex? It will only be more annoying when you’re married. If you think she’s the one despite your problems, I would recommend couples counseling long before you propose. Know that your marriage isn’t doomed before it begins. If Spencer and Heidi can do it, so can you.
