“Counseling. Counseling. Counseling.”
This blog post’s title will make sense to those who have seen the British wedding comedy Confetti. It will also make sense to those who know what premarital counseling is. Premarital counseling can be a tricky subject because it seems to have a negative connotation: “oh, they’re going to couples counseling, their relationship must be in trouble.” But it really shouldn’t be like that since so much good can come from counseling when it comes to strengthening your relationship. Please see below for some pros and cons when deciding whether or not to go with premarital counseling.
Pros:
Everyone else is doing it. Premarital counseling comes pretty standard when meeting with your wedding officiant. Odds are, they will recommend it the first time you meet with them and some will actually require it. This is more common if you are getting married at a church instead of a secular location. You will probably have the option of going to see a counselor or go through the officiant themselves. I would recommend this option not only because it’s nice for the person marrying you to get to know you (if they don’t already) but you can also take care of two things at once (premarital counseling plus going over what the officiant will be doing).
It gets you talking. Your officiant/counselor will ask questions that you may not have thought of and will address issues you guys have been afraid to discuss. We all have those sensitive topics in relationships that we tend to dance around instead of facing head on. Even in the best relationships, when we know a topic may start a fight, we tend to avoid it and push it aside. A counselor will often address these issues and bring them to light in order to get them resolved before marriage. It also forces your partner to open up about something that may make them uncomfortable. But this is a good thing! Although it seems scary, the best thing to do is face any problems that could come up in the future before your marriage actually begins. Another good thing about this: counselors are great at problem solving and can actually offer you solutions to ongoing arguments you may have. These counselors have clever ways of dealing with things and are a great third party to listen to what’s going on. Only good things will come from this.
It affirms your relationship. The best part of talking things over with your officiant/counselor is that in the end your relationship will (hopefully) feel affirmed. I think the most poignant moment of our counseling was when we were asked the simplest question. We were both very casually asked “Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?” To be able to answer that in front of your future husband or wife with your pastor/counselor/officiant is more meaningful than you would think. By talking about all that marriage entails with the expectations, excitement, hardships, and conflict is overwhelming but also amazing.
Cons:
Oh, there are none.
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