Wedding Registry: Stop the Abuse
I have very strong feelings when it comes to wedding registries. This is because of other couples’ abuse of the registry and for no other reason. My fiancé and I have opted not to do a wedding registry for various reasons, the main one being we already live together and we really already own much of what we would register for. I realize that this is not the case for every couple, but please heed this message when and if you start your wedding registry: CALM DOWN.
I feel that couples use wedding registries as a fantasy/wish list instead of what it’s actually supposed to be for: the things you NEED to start a home. I recently viewed a friend’s registry and couldn’t help but notice the outlandish things they registered for. For example: an $80 trash can, $25 spatula, $70 crock pot, $40 bath towels (per towel), etc. A couple things get under my skin about this 1) how do you not already have a trash can? I know that you do. If not, what have you been throwing your trash away in this whole time? 2) If you were buying this trash can for yourself, I know you would not have selected the $80 one. You would have gotten the $5 WalMart trash can but since someone else is footing the bill, you’re taking advantage of it and splurging on the $80 one.
I am by no means saying that you can’t register for nice or new things. If you’d like to get a new trash can that matches the new place, by all means do it. But let’s be reasonable and register for the one you would actually purchase for yourself, not the one you know rich Uncle Jerry will spring for. If you really, really want that $70 crock pot, then get it for yourself. Leave those kinds of things off the registry. It looks tacky and a bit like you’re just in it for the gifts. Also, please keep in mind how much of your guests will have to spend on your wedding excluding the gift. Most of them will probably have to travel to your wedding, get a hotel, purchase a new outfit, and so on. A lot of effort goes in by the guests just to go to a wedding that is easy to forget. There is no denying that people love gifts and presents. All I ask is that if you and your fiancé are doing a registry, keep it reasonable and don’t go to your wedding expecting that you will get everything you wanted on your list. Or maybe you come from a rich family and this post is totally off for you. Either way!
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We (DF and I) have discussed the idea of a registry. He doesn’t want to have one because he feels that if people give us a gift, we will use it because they (may) have spent a lot of time choosing something specifically for us etc. I don’t want one because
a) what he said, and …
b) it’s rude to dictate what people give us IF they CHOOSE to give anything – we shouldn’t expect a gift just because we are getting married. Yes, it’s generally a gift giving occasion and I know there will be people who do give a gift, but for the others, I don’t want to make them feel like their entry ticket to our wedding is a nice big gift we have chosen.
What about this solution – create a registry, but don’t list it anywhere and only give it to people if they specifically request for your registry or gift ideas? This way it’s not presumptuous and doesn’t make people feel like it’s their entry ticket, but it’s there if they need genuine assistance in getting the right gift? For my wedding, we’re going to do gift registries, but I think you can do it in a classy way that doesn’t come off as greedy, lol. I think it depends on your wedding guests and how many guests are big gift-givers – it’s a case-by-case basis… Just my 2 cents!
I think that’s a good idea Robby! I think there is definitely a classy way to do the gift registry. Because there are guests that are hell bent on getting you a gift and if they get you something you won’t use, it’s just a waste of money. So I think there is also an upside to the registry tradition. But I think Melissa is right that too many people just expect a gift no matter what. Thanks for the comments!