Rules Of Engagement

If there is anything in this world that can test a man’s courage and strength, it is the task of asking a dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  It will not be easy but it most likely will be awkward.  Dads seem to have an uncanny ability to make things awkward but for the most part, this situation should go smoothly if the dad is on board with the marriage.  There are of course exceptions to this rule but those will be addressed in good time.

Have something prepared. You don’t have to memorize what you want to say or come with a list but it’s best to have a good idea of what you want to say.  Some things up for discussion should be: why you want to marry her, how you plan to take care of her, how much you love her, etc.  Most dads are used to being the caretaker and covering for their daughter so you are basically telling him how you plan to do just that.  It might seem a little strange to tell her father your feelings of love but this is also needs to be addressed.  You don’t need to get too in depth but definitely try to get in an “I really love her” or “she means everything to me.”  Another important reason for this is that the conversation will most likely be relayed in its entirety to her mother and her mother will ask if this was said.  Do not leave this important detail out.

Don’t blindside him. Make sure her dad has some idea that the question is coming.  This can either mean warning the mom or having your future fiancé let him know marriage is in your future.  Being prepared goes both ways: he’ll want to ask you a few questions and have some words for you as well.  If he has no idea your relationship is this serious, he will be totally unprepared and maybe even a little pissed that he was given no warning.  This little courtesy will go a long way.

Don’t be a tool. Go into the conversation being respectful and not cocky.  Definitely be confident but keep in mind you are there to ask for something.  No dad is going to want to yes say to a guy that seems like he already has it in the bag or is only there for appearances.  Be genuine and try to make it as comfortable as possible for you both.  If he has questions for you listen and try to answer as honestly as you can.  This is your best chance to make a great impression.  One last thing: it’s ok to be nervous.  Odds are, the dad will want you to be a little nervous since this is kind of a big deal.  Better to err on the side of nervous than the side of douche.

Exceptions:

If her dad is not a part of her life or she has expressed feelings of hatred towards him, it may be best to skip this tradition. If at any time during the conversation, her dad becomes rude or unnecessarily jerk-y, you have my permission to walk away.  Some dads see this as a time to give her daughter’s man a hard time, which is a total abuse of power.  Don’t succumb to it or feel that you have to put up with it.  This behavior is just a glimpse of what the rest of your life will be like with him as a father in law.  The issue of respect goes both ways.

For more advice, go here: The Art of Manliness.

- @birdiesky

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